Lonely Feeling

I found myself just driving around Des Moines. I have enjoyed my trip, which I took by myself, and believe Des Moines to be a nice place. It’s Sunday night, most things are closed or closing, and I pulled into a Hy-Vee parking lot that was mostly empty. Everybody has already done their shopping, and now they’re back at home with their families watching tv or getting kids ready for bed.

I thought about going in, walking around and seeing what they have that our KC area stores don’t have. But, I don’t really want anything…so I would just look creepy. As a matter of fact, pretty much anywhere I go by myself…I would look creepy. I passed a Dairy Queen that looked busy with after church people, maybe. It crossed my mind to go there, but, yet again…the creepy thing. I would just sit and look sad, picking at a Reese’s Blizzard. People would grab their children and fathers would stare at me. Not good…

So, I sat in the parking lot. Just for a few minutes. As I contemplated what to do, I realized that I was alone. Alone. Of course, I came to Des Moines alone, and met some great folks up here…but, I am not with Jana. I’m not just alone…far worse, I’m lonely. I’m feeling the effects of being alone. The weight of “just me.” Lonely.

One of my goals coming on this trip was to spend time with the Lord. The front on this goal has been pushed. I have been talking with Him and He has brought things to my attention that are very good. An important aspect of my relationship with Jesus is having a sense of contentment with Him. As I sat there at Hy-Vee, this was my deduction. Jesus is with me and can cure my loneliness.

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

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