Even if…You Don’t

2017, I took Jana to see Mercy Me, her favorite band, for her birthday.

Will there ever be fun times again? Quite often, the answer seems to be a solid “no.” Of course, things will change, but that’s not always easy to remember or think about when life seems so dull and bleak. I am trying to inch my way back to even giving routine things, like housework, my attention.

On occasion, I sense God working and realize He is moving me toward His purposes, in some fashion. But things like that are not clear or understood in the now. It’s as much of a hope that He is working as a realization that He is, in fact, doing something here.

I have to trust in Him. I have to surrender to His sovereignty. For one thing, I have no choice. Also, in an effort to bring Him glory with my life, I must praise Him in this suffering. He is good. He has extended a mighty hand of grace. I don’t deserve what He has given. Yet, He offers anyway…

Those who know your name trust in you because you have not abandoned those who seek you, LORD.

Psalm 9:10

God, you haven’t left me. You have been with me through this entire valley, and long before. The fact that troubles come does not take away from your perfect will and power. My suffering does not minimize your strength, it provides opportunity to demonstrate your glory.


This song, “Even If”, was played at Jana’s funeral. We watched Mercy Me perform it, live, in 2017. At the time, it was not particularly meaningful to me, but now it is a fixture in my heart. Even if you don’t, my hope is You alone.

They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I’m losing bad
I’ve stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it’ll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can’t
It’s easy to sing
When there’s nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I’m held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

You’ve been faithful, You’ve been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You’re able
I know You can
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

“Even If” Mercy Me Link to the song on Spotify.

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

One thought

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s