Serving and Support in Smoke

The last photo Jana took of me, a week before she went into the hospital.

I’m cooking for our annual Fall Festival for church. I have smoked meats several years for this particular outing, and it’s always a joy. Making meals and especially making things Jana enjoyed was one of my favorite things to do. She was always appreciative and very enthusiastic to partake in the finished product. I knew what she liked and tried my best to prepare it for her.

We watched a movie last night, “Yesterday”, where the lead character had a friend that supported him without question. She stood by his side from early on in life and did not waiver in her encouragement of him. I loved this picture. Jana was my support in so many things. She was my cheerleader, and I was hers. I miss her being there to give me that assurance and encouragement…

It’s amazing how much a husband and wife can be there for one another. This was definitely the case in our relationship. We complimented each other nicely. We were very different in some ways, but felt like we shared a brain, in others. We enjoyed many of the same things; taking pictures, shopping, watching sports, our faith, and fun foods.

A part of me is not here. She is gone. I am coming to this realization more each day. As I do, I also begin to see the glimmer of a future. I must first understand the current reality. Alone. That’s “ground zero” for my current situation. I can’t begin to build until I firmly recognize where I’m at. It’s not easy…

Smoking meat, trying to enjoy the day – as much as I can. It’s just not the same… I thank the Lord for friends and the opportunity to serve. He has blessed me and He is good.

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

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