Source of Joy

What is the true source of my joy? When the person who is most dear to me dies, the source of my joy may be revealed. Was my life and happiness bound in my relationship with my wife? Much of my happiness, in this world, certainly was. Our faithful relationship brought much joy, this is also a fact. But, was she the source of that joy?

As much as I loved Jana, she was not my source of joy. This is a lesson I am learning, and increasingly understanding. God is the source. God is the true joy-giver. I suppose understanding who I am in Christ is part of the differentiating of myself as a single rather than a couple.

Singers and dancers alike will say, “My whole source of joy is in you.”

Psalm 87:7

In church, I can barely mouth the words to many of the songs we sing. I like them, they have meaning, and I remember Jana singing… She sang nicely. I am not a singer. Not only that, but my song has left me for this season of life. And, I certainly don’t dance.

I stand, though, with the singers and dancers in their statement, “My whole source of joy is in You.” God, You are to be praised and enjoyed forever! Strength comes from You, not from within this frail man. If I have learned anything thus far, it is that I am finite. I am powerless. I do not hold answers… God that is You alone.

Strength to keep moving forward comes from the Lord. Walking with Jesus, abiding in Him. I am a forgiven man, serving his Savior, groaning in this flesh, and longing for eternity. Here is my hope for the remaining days I have been given.

Dear Jesus, I thank you for my years with Jana. You blessed us and gave us great joy as a couple and family. Jesus, you are my source of joy. Amen.

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

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