Pages, Chapters, and Sections

Life seems to have chapters. Childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, early marriage, and raising young children may be a few of the titles. Maybe there are sections to the book, too. Like “single years” and “married years.” I am beginning to see my life as having a section of Jana years.

It hurts so bad to think that the Jana section of my life is over. The reality stands so large and cold that I cannot avoid it. Somehow, I have to work this into the story of my life going forward.

We had so many wonderful chapters in our section. I recall plot points along the way frequently, always thanking God for the time I had with my wife. Each turn of our life has a different heading and new chapter number. Moves and job changes punctuate the story and provide scenes. The introduction of new characters, such as children, provide depth to our story…and a little conflict!

Plans were made for the next part of the book, maybe something like “Empty Nest” or “Retirement” would have been good titles. Maybe even “Grandparents.” But, this story, for me, will now be very different. We can’t write the story before it unfolds. This is only a book that can be read afterwards.

Now, my story seems to be “Alone.” This would be the best title I can come up with at this time. I am hoping after these days are penned and the pages are written that I will call it something like, “Beginning Again” or “Beauty from Ashes.”

My story is not over, my chapters are not completed. How will I influence what is left to be written? Will it be a sad story for the rest of my days? Or, will I find peace, through God’s help, and experience joy again? Maybe there will be chapters like, “Grandchildren” and “Ministry”, that represent joyous times in the future. I would like that.

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and freedom to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of our God’s vengeance; to comfort all who mourn, to provide for those who mourn in Zion; to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, festive oil instead of mourning, and splendid clothes instead of despair. And they will be called righteous trees, planted by the LORD to glorify him.

Isaiah 61:1-3

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

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