Happy Moment?…It’s Ok

A Royals Game in 2010.

She would be happy that I felt happy.

She would want the kids and I to enjoy our time together and laugh like we used to do. It would be important to her that we continue to cut up around the dinner table, watch our tv shows, and share our lives.

If I could have asked her, before she died, what she would want for our lives, I know she would request that we continue on with the wonderful life we have been given. Our home has been happy and loving…this is not going to stop – and Jana would want it no other way.

There is not guilt in this, or shouldn’t be…and, I don’t think that I feel the guilt like I did. There is a growing freedom to be happy again. It shows up when I hike in the trees with a good friend, plan my hunting spot, and watch Hallmark movies with the kids. Bright spots that bring a smile. Happiness that I know she would encourage me to lay hold of.

These tidbits of joy, now, are like gold. Shining moments that I can remember and build on. Happy times that let me know – there are more to come! It may be slow, but when I recognize what I know to be Jana’s wish for us, it helps me to reach a little harder for the joy in life.

I want to enjoy life again. I desire that. I look forward to it. God is good and I know He is with me, throughout this season of my life. He knows and is preparing me for my next season…whatever that is. I should be patient and wait for His leading…learning what I need to learn now, becoming what I need to become. Some days, I actually find this process of God working on me a…joy.


Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s