In marriage, their is a functional division of labor that occurs. Each person settles into their particular role within the family. Maybe certain chores are split up or activities get divided, but there are two to shoulder the burdens of life.
When a partner is suddenly missing from the equation, the work falls to one. Thankfully, my girls are very self-sufficient and can help take care of routine needs. Navigating the direction of the family, though, was much better with two working together at the helm. I find myself falling into worry more than I ever have. I had a measure of confidence with both of us – knowing that if all else failed we would be able to regroup and work as one to set things straight. That team is not there now, it’s just me.
My worry extends to simple things and routine needs. Over the last few months, even small things have felt like giant problems and tasks turned into something overwhelming. That feeling can still take hold when I am dealing with issues that need attention. I try to take care of these little things as soon as I can, but I don’t always find the “worry” relief that I would expect.
I heard a song last night, reminding me of the importance of just breathing and sitting at the feet of Jesus. The scripture came back to me…
While they were traveling, he entered a village, and a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home.  She had a sister named Mary, who also sat at the Lord’s feet and was listening to what he said.  But Martha was distracted by her many tasks, and she came up and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to serve alone? So tell her to give me a hand.”  The Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things,  but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-42 (emphasis mine)
I am struggling against the reality of Jana’s death. Worry is the by-product of “doing”, and trying to make it all work on my own. Work, tasks, and general busy-ness are attempting to be the key to my grief recovery. My worry exists because I cannot “work” my way into a faith-based life. I must trust my way through! God’s will is sovereign. He has a plan.
Chris, you are worried and upset about many things. I stop running about the house, take my place at His feet on that floor, look up into His face, and listen to what He is telling me. There is no better place for comfort. I will find what I am so desperately looking for…when I simply sit before Him.