Even the Little Things

My memories of Jana are countless. When I consider all the little things…the shared moments that nobody else was necessarily a part of. I am conscious of the things she liked, the events we laughed at, and the little physical problems we all encounter. So many things, that only I know…

As I move along my grief journey, I am realizing that these little memories are not as useful to me as when Jana was alive. If I get Caribou coffee, breakfast blend, at the store…she is not there to drink it. I wouldn’t get it otherwise. These types of bits of knowledge just aren’t utilized anymore.

So, I am left with the question, “If I don’t remember these things, who will?” This worries me. Can I just let go of all these memories? I try to carefully place them into my memory room for safe keeping, but once I place them there…they may never be visited again.

Aren’t five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God’s sight. Indeed, the hairs of your head are all counted. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:6-7

As I was thinking about this yesterday, I realized a very important piece. God knows! He not only knows, but He cares and does not forget! I loved all these little tidbits of memory and “Jana trivia.” I spent years making it my life’s work to know her. I have multitudes of notes from my careful study of my wife. God knows her better. He loved her better.

I find a peace in knowing that God will not forget anything about Jana or her life. When I have examined each memory for the last time and placed them on the shelves of my heart, God still remembers. I guess the big picture is that I don’t want Jana, herself, to be forgotten…and the Lord won’t let that happen.

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

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