Exactly as He Planned

Why do I have to remind myself that Jana has died? Every so often, I find myself, sometimes saying out loud, “She is gone.” Then I consider that fact and go positive or negative in my next thoughts…

Negative thinking includes sorrow, anger, and almost a sense of panic…wanting to yell out loud or fall into a heap on the floor. Just as quick as these thoughts fly across my mind, positive thoughts show up, too. Positive things like eternal security, God’s will, and enjoyable life in the future make their presence known.

Jana’s death is not some random thing that just happened to occur in my life. This major change in my life was not an accident or a surprise to God. Sometimes it is easy to contemplate why I am so “unlucky…” Our lives have nothing to do with luck or randomness.

Since a person’s days are determined and the number of his months depends on you, and since you have set limits he cannot pass, look away from him and let him rest so that he can enjoy his day like a hired worker.

Job 14:5-6

Job describes God’s determination of each of our days. These days will come to pass…and no more, no less. Acts 17 gives us an understanding of God’s purposes in giving us life and established boundaries to our lives. Paul suggests that maybe we would reach out to Him. There is no randomness to life or the extent of our days.

Since this is the case, Jana went home exactly when she was supposed to go. When I am reminded of the reality of her departure, it is then that I must recognize God’s purposes – even if I don’t understand them.

The future… I have a vested interest in my future. What is coming for me? What’s going to happen? I have learned, all too painfully, that anything can happen, good or bad. Am I prepared for what’s next? I am pleading with God to extend mercy to me, regarding future events, and show me into the next parts of my earthly existence…

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

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