Maybe a singles group would be beneficial. A bunch of people, close to my age, who experience life without a spouse – for whatever reason. There are plenty of these groups, some of which I have little to nothing in common with (Facebook seems to have a group for everything).
Probably some kind of bible study or Christian group would be best. It’s important to “hang” with people who share my same general thoughts on life. There is still plenty of diversity in such a group to push my thinking and grow personally.
I was sitting on the porch taking in the fall colors and the brisk air. My thoughts went to the time, possibly a year and a half away, in which Allyson would go off to school and I would be left alone. It dawned on me that I would be here, by myself. No noise of others doing their thing. No objectives other than the ones that I, alone, set out to conquer.
What will I do? How will I fill my time? There are projects and interests that I have, but that, in itself, will certainly not satisfy me. I am far to relational! I love relationships. Groups, friends, my spouse…these relationships are what feed my soul. It’s who I am.
Maybe in a year or two I will be more comfortable with tons of quiet, alone time. But, I doubt it. I am not the Grizzly Adams type (although Jana always like the look of that man! The Rock, Dwayne Johnson, too. These guys were high on her list. With competition like that, what in the world did she see in me?! Somehow, she saw in me what she wanted, and I am so grateful.).
Will a singles group lead to friends? Will it provide the relationships that will help me to maintain a single life and still get my “fill” of interpersonal communications that I crave? Maybe. I am putting feelers out, looking for such a place to connect with. It has crossed my mind to start a group, too. Not sure what that would look like.
I don’t want to retreat from people. My personality won’t let me. In the grief process, I find it vital to communicate with others. Now, it’s not as much talking about Jana’s death as it is speaking to others about life.