Building Together

The smallest thing tugs at my heart. Making a giant impact can be something as trivial as an article of clothing, seeing a particular place, or…music. And, music is what got me last night.

Jana and I loved Minecraft. We got an Xbox several years ago, and upgraded a couple of years ago…just to play Minecraft, it would seem. We tried a few other games, but kept coming back to our created worlds.

We would sit together on the couch and visit while we built houses, caves, and farms. Usually, we didn’t build too far from each other, and eventually our two homes would meet. Then, we would run back and forth helping one another fight evil mobs. (I am talking a lot of game here, so if you haven’t played Minecraft, I apologize!).

But, as any player of the game knows, the music is constant. They are gentle, melodic instrumental tunes that fill the background. Over hours of playing time, it’s easy to memorize these songs (and they are actually songs).

For Jana’s funeral and visitation I made a playlist of all the songs I could think of, at the time, that were important to us. I put a Minecraft song in the list.

Last night, Allyson played Minecraft for the first time since Jana died. It was fine, I had absolutely no problem with her playing, but the music began to draw out my memories. Soon, Jana was sitting there with me, building her house. We were riding carts to visit each other. We gathered out stuff and began touring the countryside…

I cried. I miss my best friend so much. Even the silly things we got to do together seem like nuggets of pure gold now. That’s what a few hours of Minecraft with Jana would be worth to me…

I didn’t actually play last night, just listened to the music and dreamed. One of these days I will play on one of the worlds that Jana and I built on. I am afraid it will be very sad. Running through her empty home, seeing the work that she put in while we sat together…together visiting, laughing, and enjoying each other as if it would never end.

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

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