Signposts of Success

My walk through grief is continuous. Every so often, I see a signpost that informs me of my progress. Most frequently the message gets to me through something that I say in conversation. After speaking the words, I pause and think about what I have said and realize that I’ve taken some kind of step.

Last night my words were, “I don’t want to be sad forever.” It’s as if I am beginning to get the upper hand on grief. Yes, he’s still in the fight, but I am landing more body blows and uppercuts. Grief is beginning to look wobbly!

It’s a mind shift from what has happened to me – and now, what have I to do to be strong again. More proactive than reactive. Down times are still present, feelings of sadness settle on my heart. These feelings are tough, but manageable.

In a weird way, I am learning to be me. Learning to live with Jana’s departure. Learning to be a single man. Actually enjoying aspects of my life again… Learning to lean heavily on Jesus.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his faithful love endures forever.

1 Chronicles 16:34

The holidays are big on my radar. These are the “firsts” that everyone talks about. It’s going to be tough, no doubt. I am in a good place to work through these special days. January will be a great point to reflect on the road I’ve traveled. And…the first week in Feb will mark six months.

I will keep going. I will keep becoming who God has intended me to be through this valley. I am suffering, struggling, and conquering. Keep moving…keep stepping… Giving thanks to the LORD, for He is good.

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

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