A Bigger Picture

Relationships are all about the possibilities. A key feature is the ability to know somebody deeper as the relationship progresses, be it a friend, family member, or spouse. If there are problems or breaks in the relationship, hope of reconciliation always lingers in the wings for it’s opportunity to heal.

What happens when one member of the relationship dies? That relationship ends, permanently, right at that time. It does not go any further. There is no hope of it growing, becoming something new, or reconciling, if need be.

When there are no possibilities available, the one left has the work of wrapping up all the emotional loose ends of the connection. All the feelings, all the memories, all the different aspects of what once was the work of two are now on the shoulders of one.

For a while, I tried to feel what Jana would have felt, done what she would want done. The separation, that literally occurred overnight, created a situation in which I found so many things undone in our lives. Mostly these loose ends were dreams and plans, but there were some practical things like various passwords and the location of valuables.

We had no time to prepare for the end of our relationship. All of a sudden, it was over. I was left holding the entire thing. So, I started to tie off ends. Completing thoughts, as it were. Obvious thoughts like, I am now alone, sleeping alone, doing things alone. These were just the first, basic thoughts to deal with.

Over time, the end of the relationship has produced deeper concepts to overcome. These deeper troubles are in the heart, and they won’t resolve quickly…some of these loose ends will never be tied off.

The relationship is worth the risk. At any time, any relationship could end. Faith tells me, “It will be alright.” My heart struggles. But, I would not have missed this relationship with ‘the wife of my youth’ for the world!

Author: kcradioman

I am the Director of Twin Oaks Family Care in Excelsior Springs, Mo. I hold a Master of Arts in counseling from Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and, currently, am working on the Doctor of Ministry in Care and Counseling at MBTS. My wife and I were married in 1998 and we had 2 daughters. On July 26th, 2019, my lovely wife, Jana, was diagnosed with Leukemia and began treatment. On Aug 7th, 2019, she died of complications from the chemo treatment. God prepared us and sustains us. My way of grieving includes being open and transparent about my feelings. My hope is to provide a voice of support for others experiencing grief.

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