Just before Jana went into the hospital, with a Leukemia diagnosis which we had no idea that she was already battling, we had sold our house and moved into a smaller home in the country that needed some work done. That work was just getting started when our nightmare began in July.
After Jana died it took a couple of months for me to really get motivated to do anything that needed done around the house. But, in time, I began to clean, complete little tasks, and organize. The house is becoming our home.
Jana was happy with our plan to move out to the country. She was excited to make the move, and our surroundings are beautiful. Trees, pastures and and quiet seclusion make this home’s location very comfortable.
Yesterday, we arranged the family room downstairs. It’s now a cozy tv room and an extra usable space. We moved the Christmas tree, yes it’s been up since Nov 1, next to the fireplace in the living room. It sits by one of the front windows, a very nice sight for Christmas decor lovers. I took in the arrangement and said, “Jana would have loved this.”
Life is not lived according to everything Jana “would have loved.” But, I knew her well enough to know exactly what would make her happy. I spent years choosing to do what made her happy. It was my goal and ambition within our relationship. Not that I was always successful, but much of the time, yes, I loved to make her happy.
The home is becoming ours, the kids and I. Increasingly, the decisions made on what to do around the house are born from one of our thoughts. This is the way it should be going forward. Most of what we do is for our own interests. There are the things that we do to remember Jana, but on a daily basis were continuing our lives. It’s not forgetting, it’s living.