These days, I am thinking about getting out and meeting others, especially those in the widow/widower community. This comes with a lot of trouble…
In the first place, I am wrestling with the idea. I have written about this, the problem crops up in guilt. I need to move past that feeling and not allow false guilt to arrest my progress.
The next issue is the “getting out.” I have not gone out, apart from with Jana, to socialize with others in a format such as this for over 22 years. I have no idea what I’m doing. When the actual dating begins, down the road, I’m completely at a loss.
My conversation is probably too direct, at times, and I imagine I can be misinterpreted or overwhelming with my frank speech. Probably comes from years of counseling. But, this world of singleness is new to me. I haven’t learned this specific set of social rules, yet.
My worst fear is looking like the “creepy guy.” I have good co-workers that help me not think of myself in this capacity, but it’s a fear nonetheless. I guess just being myself works the best, at least that’s what I’ve learned from childhood on…
I was comfortable and happy. Now, I am uncomfortable and sad. These social situations do create an interest in me, I am intrigued with meeting others…something I really enjoy. But, the layers of situational constructs that surround these “simple” gatherings are extremely thought- provoking. I want it to be simple…and, maybe it is.
These new relationships can be simple. I am bringing a lot to the table. If I am able to clear my mental table, and approach others with less going on in my mind, maybe I will find an even better experience than what I have had so far. These are things to work on. Seems like there is always something new, waiting in the wings…to work on.