How about some practical thoughts on the grief-to-identity-to-love path? How does it happen? Well, I’m still figuring this out since my thoughts are relatively fresh on the subject. But, I want to share what I’m thinking…these thoughts are all a part of the journey!
Note: Sharing my thoughts about the future possibilities of meeting somebody could potentially put me in awkward situations, if she happens to read my posts. So, I may hold a few cards close to the vest…or, just feel awkward, I am kind of used to it.
There is a point at which I will be “ready” to entertain deeper relationships. I have been told that I will “know” when that is, which I believe. I also believe that being ready may not just happen, but that I will take a series of steps to get there.
I need to work through long-standing beliefs about myself such as thinking as a married man. How will I move past that? Probably, I will need to behave as a single man. I have been thinking about my own interests more. It’s new to consider what I would like to do, or eat, or experience…but, this is going well.
Thinking single would include placing myself in situations that I would only encounter as a single man. Things like visiting one-on-one with a single woman, going to eat food with a woman (you know, the code), and spending casual time with other singles. Some of this is basically dating, but it can be done without the extra pressure of going out to investigate love interests. Just friend-type stuff.
I have visited with a couple of women in this way a few times, lately, and it has been very beneficial. It makes me think…work through reality, understand where I stand. This concept really takes a lot of thought.
One of the weirdest things to think about are the qualities in an individual that I would like to be around. As a good friend mentioned, I won’t find Jana 2.0…and, I don’t want to even try that. She was one of a kind, my first love. I cannot try to replicate her or what we had together. I also will not spend the rest of my life comparing someone else to her. Jana was a wonderful, beautiful person who was unique as an individual. I can recognize that there are other, completely unique, women in this world that are wonderful in their own way.
This feeling of being torn between what was and what may be is the basis of this part of my grief right now. These thoughts intermittently jump between anticipation of the future and intense loneliness and loss. I want to move forward, and some days I have the wherewithal to accomplish those steps, but often I am mired in the past.
This segment of my life will give way to something very nice down the road, I firmly believe. My feelings can’t be hurried. I don’t even know if God will give me another opportunity at love. I pray He does, as a matter of fact, I have often prayed for the woman I may someday meet…