I have discovered a socialization place that is between group activities and dating. Maybe it’s called “friendship” or “friend-zone?” Basically, I enjoy visiting with single women (I have only had a couple of occasions to do so) without “dating.”
This concept sounds very elementary, but in the grief journey it represents a major step. Much of it is hard to explain…
There came a point at which I recognized my interest in reaching out, getting to know others. I began to do that. Circumstances provided a couple of individuals that allowed for a one-on-one visit. I appreciate the perspective and wisdom of these ladies very much.
Sitting with another single, just talking, broke the ice on something that I had not done for 22 years. I am processing this, understanding this…and grieving through this. Many feelings bubble up to the surface for me to examine and deal with.
In a weird way, my loneliness seemed to have doubled. This was just one of the many feelings that came and went, but I tried to key in to the reason why… I think when I made the decision to visit with other people in this one-on-one format, I realized my singleness more, which, when compounded with my best friend not being here, it seemed that I was extra alone.
For a people person, such as myself, I do enjoy visiting with others, learning about them, and interacting with their story. I can be alone, it’s not scary or uncomfortable, but I really like being social.
Actually dating is worrisome to me. I know there are all kinds of “games” and mental gyrations that come with chasing and courting. Sometimes, that sounds fun, other times I want to stay far away from all of that!
Bottom line…this beginning of individual socialization is on my plate. It’s the next natural step in my grief. As a note, I am not sure how to write about much of my experiences in this area. I do not want to speak of persons or situations without permission. So, I will try to just talk about my feelings and interpretations of my thoughts in regard to the grief journey. I think the basic feelings are common, at one point or another, to most of those who grieve. But, books can be written on the post-loss dating activities of the widow/widower!