Indifference and Anger. Lately, the emotions that stem from anger are more common in my life. Frustration, indifference, negativity, low self-regard, and a short-temper all originate from anger over my realized loss and potential loss.
Naturally, the anger may be traced back to a fear, and then back even further to a lack of faith. Yes, all these characteristics are in the mix. It makes me want to throw my hands up and defiantly say, “What the heck? I’ll just do whatever makes me happy in the moment!”
This “angry” thinking will surely shipwreck my life and wash me up on a much more dangerous beach. It’s not where I exist in my mind, but, these thoughts are not foreign.
Like the losing boxer in a bout, one body blow after another, then an uppercut, then one across the nose…these punches add up. The sense that I can do nothing about it makes the frustration run even higher. Basically, I feel as if I am here waiting for the next smash to my face. And, I begin to think, “Well, who cares?”
I apologize for letting you peek into this part of my mind, but I find it an important thing to talk about…and I probably haven’t mentioned it enough. These types of anger emotions can be most devastating. Understand, my friendly reader, in my experience these emotions have been ones of thousands. Each feeling takes a bit of the stage for awhile, then it retreats and lets another emotion get up and take the spotlight.
Sometimes, things just suck. There is pity in that statement, there’s anger, there is sadness…and a whole host of other feelings. I’m moving in and around all these emotions. Practically speaking, I don’t plan on doing anything too stupid, at least not any more than usual.
Underlying these aggressive feelings is pain. Pain that just seems to come in and out, like the tide. And, in the most difficult way, additional painful circumstances in life raise that tide and begin to push at the banks, threatening the town itself…