Laying in my small bed on the submarine, hundreds of feet under water, I would listen to Van Morrison or Garth Brooks on my headphones and dream of the time I would fall in love. The dreams were great and the anticipation of my forever person was strong. As an early twenty-something, the world was before me.
I found her. We had a wonderful time of dating, a meaningful engagement, and beautiful wedding. She was everything I ever wanted. My dreams conjured during young adulthood were realized. God had given me this woman that I longed for. A wife that I could give myself to, that I could serve, and someone that would love me.
Overnight… From late evening to morning, my thoughts are different. My perspective, after Bible study, is completely changed. These first two paragraphs were headed to bleaker, darker thoughts. This morning, I am thankful and hopeful.
Last night, I was full of sorrow and beautiful, but now painful, memories. I started my thoughts, above, with simple, young anticipation of the future. My next lines were going to be about how it was all smashed to pieces. I know where I was heading in my thoughts!
Looking at my first two paragraphs now, I agree, things changed and didn’t happen the way that I wanted them to. But, today, I am not choosing to wallow in that. Not that being sad is wrong, I must make time to experience the grief, but, I just don’t feel like going down that road today.
Yesterday had it’s struggles… I went to a beautiful wedding for a young couple that I think a lot of. This was the first wedding that I have attended since my wife died. Listening to the service, with much of the traditional marriage language, I ran the track of my own history. Standing before the gathered witnesses, I made my vows to Jana. I promised her exactly what I carried out…love till death parted us.
Today, I am thankful for my friend’s wedding and their new life as husband and wife. They have so much to look forward to, good times, and yes, tough times. They will learn to navigate both…together. The moment of pronouncement begins something new, something wonderful, and a most mysterious union that changes two people forever.
This day, as every day, is for praising God. I am here for His good pleasure. May my experiences and behavior bring Him glory. I ride the tides of emotions, but He is constant and stands strong in the storm. Thank you, Lord, for bearing with this weak soul!