Where does the desire to be in relationship come from? What is it, within us, that drives us to connect deeply with another person?
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.”
God’s design speaks to our desires. It’s not good for man to be alone… This thought has rambled through my mind since Jana died. At first this thought was driven by the great emptiness that her loss created in my life. But, over time, the desire to seek a companion was motivated by the interest in finding a love, not the pain and suddenness of being alone.
In dating, thus far, I have discovered others seeking this same type of love. Of course, reasons can vary for what motivates their search. But, ultimately, it seems that a loving companion, in whatever style suits the seeker, is what drives the pursuit.
The back stories vary. Especially for a person in their 40’s, the backstory has some bumps and bruises in it. We all bring this stuff to the table. It’s not like when I was in my 20’s and my face was still a bit shiny and new! The gray hairs tell a story…the deepening wrinkles hide the pain. Who will care about these things? Who will take time to understand me? There is so much life to sift over…
Probably, the one who will find interest in me will be the one that I also find the same interest in. I want to know her. What brought her here? What decisions did she regret, which ones were profitable? Who does she seek…? Will she be content with me, grow old with me (Lord willing), and will she find my love for her a joy?
I suppose I speak here of love more than grief. You can hear it in my thoughts. Grief does not drive this part of life. Other factors are at work here. Grief will try to interrupt, at times, but he’s something to simply make mention of while touring the rooms of my heart.
Grief worked me into the man I am today. I am a man who has loved deeply, one who knows how to love deeply, and stands solidly on God’s design for marriage. It’s the most beautiful picture of the Bride of Christ, and the most intimate relationship this earth has to offer. I thank Grief for preparing me to venture into a life filled with love again.
Jana is not ignored. She is part of my life. I love her memory. I hold her close, secured into parts of my heart that are accessible and visible. My new love will have my heart. She deserves that. I have worked to get here, worked toward acceptance and the ability to give, completely, to another. The fabric of my life was woven with Jana. Her work, and love, is evident in who I am, the lover I will be, the husband I will be. I am prepared and ready for the woman that God sees fit to draw me to, if that is His desire.