A Delicate Subject

Dear Friendly Reader, I want to write to you regarding a topic that I have not written of, but one that owns a bit of stock in my mind. Loneliness. But, specifically, loneliness in close relationship. From the day Jana died, thoughts of intense aloneness were almost unbearable. My person was no longer there. Reality…

Flinging Totes

There is a limit. Sorting, packing up, and arranging the stuff of our life together is hard work that can, apparently, only be done in short segments. I have a lot to complete, but I hit a wall and must stop torturing myself with all the memories. Items that were long forgotten pop up in…

The Dresser is Done

I finished packing up Jana’s stuff in my room tonight. There was one dresser left with jewelry, clothing, and various keepsakes. Everything gets put into large totes and taken downstairs until a later date. We will go through them at some point in the future and decide what to do with everything…not now. Surprisingly, I…

Good Night

The end of a busy day, The lights go out and I slip into bed. After fidgeting with the covers and getting comfortable, I look your way and whisper, “good night.” A moment I sit, patiently, quietly, Waiting for a sound, a response. My eyes strain in the dark Looking for you, hoping to hear….

A Halloween Trick

One down, three to go. For the last few days, I was feeling down and somewhat more depressed than usual. Then, on Halloween, I was really struggling with emotions. I got home after a tough day of mental turmoil to find out that the kids were also struggling. My hypothesis was bolstered… We did not…

The “Up” Side to Grief

Moving on, getting over it, progressing, changing, getting better, feeling good, accepting, growth, new life… People package working through the grief process in a lot of different ways. Any way you slice it, it’s tough! I am not the same person that I was August 6th, the day before Jana died. And, I am not…

Sleeping and Influence

It’s 4am-ish, and I’m up thinking… One of those times when all the thoughts seem to converge and keep me up. I’m thinking about my business, money, bills, and…Jana. I miss her presence. Lying next to me, especially on nights like this, when I can’t sleep. I would look at her for just a few…

Safe At Home

It’s about to snow for the first time this season. The first accumulating snow, the kind that makes driving difficult. The worries of family and friends getting home safe are just around the corner! When you’re waiting on a loved one to get home, nerves can get the best of you. Those worrisome thoughts creep…

Exactly as He Planned

Why do I have to remind myself that Jana has died? Every so often, I find myself, sometimes saying out loud, “She is gone.” Then I consider that fact and go positive or negative in my next thoughts… Negative thinking includes sorrow, anger, and almost a sense of panic…wanting to yell out loud or fall…

I Don’t Wanna

Had a great weekend visiting family, my sister and brother-in-law’s church, and Silver Dollar City with the kids. I’m making memories. Although the new memories are sweet, they are all clouded with the fact that someone is missing… I feel that it is important to go. Beneficial to do things, get out, and continue to…