A Shaky Thumbs Up

Hey, Chris, how are you doing…? Not a bad question. Stick around, if you’re willing, and I will tell you exactly how I’m doing! I was talking with a good friend on our walk around the 4 mile track in our local state park. I was trying to explain how I feel like I am…

I Just Gotta Be Me

God speaks to me through all manner of experiences, and in no way least of these is through my pastor on Sunday! He discussed identity… I have been wrestling with this term for weeks, now. Generally speaking, my identity has been “Chris and Jana.” And, I was quite satisfied with that. Now, to many, I…

Life Sucks

Sometimes my own counter-productive thoughts get me down. This is one of those times. I am not in a good frame of mind. These times come and go, and I assume (at least I have read) that it comes with the territory, but I feel low. I was reading about situational problems and self-imposed problems….

Thoughts on Thanks

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his faithful love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16:34 Thankfulness is tricky. Give thanks in all things. How do I apply this, and do it authentically? I think it is important to differentiate between being “thankful” for the results of a fallen world, i.e. death of Jana,…

My Smudge of a Life

At times my life feels like a blur. It’s as if I parachuted into this spot and I am looking around at things I don’t understand. My years are like a dream and I can’t focus on any one particular time of life, or follow the chain of events that got me to where I…

Struggle with a Memory

At times the vision of my sweet wife in death won’t leave my mind. I will think of her last breaths, and that is the memory that comes to mind. Yes, it was shocking. We don’t see our loved ones so still. Yes, in a weird way, I am glad that I was there, and…

And, Mizz Scarlett…I don’t care either.

How about anger? Anger hangs just under the surface. It is ready to leap out and bite, but for the most part, I don’t have the energy to really act on it. Occasionally, if I am letting my words fly you’ll hear my misplaced frustration. I’ll attack unwary, unknowing individuals for no reason…even behind their…

God is Not Far From Any of Us

Keeping my mind occupied with activities almost helps dull my pain. As I meet new people or go to places that I haven’t been before I engage my mind with the different stimulus. Although, as unique as these experiences are to me I am constantly thinking of Jana. I wonder what Jana would think about…

Does God Even Care?

Ultimately, somebody must be responsible for the things that happen on this planet. And, if not responsible, capable of laying out the course desired for all things. So, it’s not unnatural to look to God for answers. At times I am simply looking at Him as if I have been betrayed by a good friend….

The Remarkable Warmth of Routine

Got up this morning and got ready for church. The usual banter accompanied our preparations; “Does this look ok?”, “15 minutes till we go”, “Do we have everything?” Arrived at church and took my usual seat next to the guy in class that always gives me a hard time, in a good way. Moved to…