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Jana knew that I loved her tremendously. She had no doubt that I cared for her and would be by her side no matter what life brought. I know she loved me in the same way, and it would have taken my death for her to leave my side. These days I am considering the…

Divine Appointments Abound

I cannot over-emphasize the meaningful ministry of friends and family who have supported me in the last 4 months. There are days that, without the selfless care of others, I feel that I would have fallen to pieces. Praise the Lord for His people! We have all heard of those moments when God prompts another…

Faithless Feelings

God, I’m struggling. My questions run deep, maybe deeper than I recognize or want to admit. After years of confessing, teaching, and believing your word, I find myself questioning You, Yourself, because of Your decisions. More than just “why?” The question is bigger, the wondering encompasses more than just a simple query of purpose. God,…

Come to Me

I find myself crumpled in the corner. I’m clutching things that hold immense value to me. Some of the items include vacation pictures of Jana, a sweater she wore on one of our many date nights, and her journal filled with notes of faith-filled wrestlings with God and His call on her life. My knuckles…

Signposts of Success

My walk through grief is continuous. Every so often, I see a signpost that informs me of my progress. Most frequently the message gets to me through something that I say in conversation. After speaking the words, I pause and think about what I have said and realize that I’ve taken some kind of step….

Sharing With a Jewel

I am thankful for the exciting, happy times that I have. It is wonderful to experience mountain top highs and genuine joys in life. Every good moment comes with it’s painful chaser…I can’t tell Jana about this. Every little thing, or big thing, is something that you want to share with the one you love….

Quick Note About… Nothing

If I am not careful, I will waste my days away. My despondency will overtake my drive for accomplishment. It happens in the little decisions. Motivation dwindles…interest can fade… It is easy to fall into blah. Nothing really matters, not interested in getting done what needs to be done, and my prayer is that, hopefully,…

Take the Step

There is a big step before me. It’s a decision that I have made in the past. A thought that got ironed out in the general angst of young adulthood… The decision is whether or not to take a step forward and live. This step does not entail leaving my grief, abandoning my sorrow over…

Safe At Home

It’s about to snow for the first time this season. The first accumulating snow, the kind that makes driving difficult. The worries of family and friends getting home safe are just around the corner! When you’re waiting on a loved one to get home, nerves can get the best of you. Those worrisome thoughts creep…

Exactly as He Planned

Why do I have to remind myself that Jana has died? Every so often, I find myself, sometimes saying out loud, “She is gone.” Then I consider that fact and go positive or negative in my next thoughts… Negative thinking includes sorrow, anger, and almost a sense of panic…wanting to yell out loud or fall…