Bouts of ’Really’ Low

Like waves the grief comes, they wash over me…and, sometimes, it seems they are just pounding me down. Down to lows that I have never experienced thus far in my life. It’s a little scary, and very uncomfortable. While in the US Navy, onboard the nuclear submarine USS Portsmouth, we visited many places around the…

Wake of the Storm

How does one go about re-setting life goals? When our tentative, at best, plan of the future gets erased, how is a new set of dreams adopted? Like after a tornado hits a city block, I’m looking around at the wreckage of what was our dreams, and trying to pick out the things that are…

All Aboard!

My steam engine of grief, which always seems completely filled with fuel, continues to take me along the highs and lows of this journey. As I approach significant milestones, it seems the grief begins to “ramp up” prior to the date. The engine goes into overdrive and picks up speed. Six months without Jana was…

“Why” is Too Complicated

One of the biggest moments of my hobby/interest life occurred this week. The Kansas City Chiefs won the Super Bowl. I have been watching, rooting, and hopeful for many years, and this week I was able to enjoy the pinnacle of the 2019 NFL season with my team. But…Jana is not here. This is my…

Enough

Indifference and Anger. Lately, the emotions that stem from anger are more common in my life. Frustration, indifference, negativity, low self-regard, and a short-temper all originate from anger over my realized loss and potential loss. Naturally, the anger may be traced back to a fear, and then back even further to a lack of faith….

Praise for Life

Life is the feeling you get when your car begins to slide on ice and you lose control. There’s no stopping it, you have enough time to get a pit in your stomach, and anything can happen. Either I need to change my view of who’s in control or I need to get used to…

Five Surprising Areas of Struggle

Five surprising areas of struggle for the widow/widower in the first 6 months. These are just a few of the struggles of widowhood that I have encountered. Many others that I have talked to have identified some of these same issues. This post is to encourage the widow/widower…you’re not alone! Your feelings are normal. Or,…

An Actual Laugh?

Yesterday, I recalled a memory of Jana that made me…laugh. It was a humorous memory, so laughing was appropriate, but the fact that I laughed caught me by surprise. I liked that. When I set out to work hard on my grief, I knew I would see signposts of progress along the way. One of…

The Tide has Shifted

What about the stuff that hurts? When I come up against a challenge, and I know it’s going to bring pain…what do I do? How shall I respond when I know my action will bring both pain and progress? This line of questioning has been the basis of much of my grief work. Every decision,…

Challenge of Living

The challenge, each day, is to live life. The grief path has been a series of challenges, which I have done my best to face head-on. Most of these hurdles have been natural and progressive in nature. Basically, I tackle the next thing that comes up. I will have more of these, and I kind…