Lonely Feeling

I found myself just driving around Des Moines. I have enjoyed my trip, which I took by myself, and believe Des Moines to be a nice place. It’s Sunday night, most things are closed or closing, and I pulled into a Hy-Vee parking lot that was mostly empty. Everybody has already done their shopping, and…

Life and Big Things, Like Dominoes

Last night, I played dominoes. I sat at a table with 4 others, re-learned the rules (because it’s always so long between times that I play), picked my 8 tiles, and made trains. So simple. Fun. I laughed…with reservation. I got into the game…sort of. I enjoyed the other players…as much as I could. But…I…

A Shaky Thumbs Up

Hey, Chris, how are you doing…? Not a bad question. Stick around, if you’re willing, and I will tell you exactly how I’m doing! I was talking with a good friend on our walk around the 4 mile track in our local state park. I was trying to explain how I feel like I am…

I Just Gotta Be Me

God speaks to me through all manner of experiences, and in no way least of these is through my pastor on Sunday! He discussed identity… I have been wrestling with this term for weeks, now. Generally speaking, my identity has been “Chris and Jana.” And, I was quite satisfied with that. Now, to many, I…

Life Sucks

Sometimes my own counter-productive thoughts get me down. This is one of those times. I am not in a good frame of mind. These times come and go, and I assume (at least I have read) that it comes with the territory, but I feel low. I was reading about situational problems and self-imposed problems….

My Smudge of a Life

At times my life feels like a blur. It’s as if I parachuted into this spot and I am looking around at things I don’t understand. My years are like a dream and I can’t focus on any one particular time of life, or follow the chain of events that got me to where I…

Struggle with a Memory

At times the vision of my sweet wife in death won’t leave my mind. I will think of her last breaths, and that is the memory that comes to mind. Yes, it was shocking. We don’t see our loved ones so still. Yes, in a weird way, I am glad that I was there, and…

And, Mizz Scarlett…I don’t care either.

How about anger? Anger hangs just under the surface. It is ready to leap out and bite, but for the most part, I don’t have the energy to really act on it. Occasionally, if I am letting my words fly you’ll hear my misplaced frustration. I’ll attack unwary, unknowing individuals for no reason…even behind their…