A Note on Happy

Joy is a fruit of the Spirit, happiness is not. It is not “happy” that I strive for, it’s the joy of the Lord! Happy is my emotion that rises and falls as life, and my own decision-making, dictates. This truth is the landscape for my ever-changing mood. Recently, I have had the great opportunity…

Across the Miles

After the mission trip, we decided to officially date. Living several hours apart made traditional courting a difficult task. We quickly began to use the phone more than email, and that was in the days of “long distance” charges. We had some bills! We began planning times and places to get together. Our first date…

A Special Night

I was standing in line waiting behind my church’s youth group members. We were going to receive the name and address for a member of the youth group in the Living Faith church, close to Springfield, Illinois, which is where our youth mission trip was headed. The name was given to us to “pen pal”…

Moments

Wow…I see how she looks at me. After reviewing some videos that were taken of us, I watched her closely…watched the way she looked at me. She studied my face, enjoyed our conversation, and responded with joy to our interaction. I see now what, in some ways, I did not see before… I could be…

I’m Boring Again!

I am becoming wallpaper. Slowly blending back into the fabric of life. My life, my loss, my grief…all giving way to normal, everyday stuff. This “everyday Joe” is where I started, and where I will take my place once again. This is what we all wanted to begin with, isn’t it? Friends and family all…

Vicissitudes

Rising on a tide of hope! I can clearly point to aspects of my life that would help this uplifting of my spirit. I suppose that is life, right? Things go well and things can go not-so-well. And when multiple areas of life seems to swell towards the positive, all at once, it’s kind of…

Braided Thoughts

Let’s try to divide some thoughts. There is one that I can no longer have…Jana. This is thought “A.” Thought “B” regards the fact that there are things in life that are still possible. Things like companionship, closeness, warmth of another, and love. The basis of the two thoughts are: what is no longer possible…

The Tree Out Front

Can I tell of my sadness…yet again? Have I made the point clear? Why is it that when I sit to write my thoughts it is only discussions of loss that flow from my mind. I’m not “ok.” Oh, I want to be there! I long to feel normal and whole. But, I am not…I’m…

Graduation.

We often just talked. Maybe just before dinner, after our day of work, or right after the family had sat down to eat together, we may have relaxed in the living room and visited on the couch. The rattle and clink of pans and silverware were heard from the kitchen as the kids performed their…

Warmth? Is That You?

A box of individual servings of almond butter. A blanket folded and placed on the chair. An adapter for the outlet used to charge a laptop. I know exactly what she left and how she left it. There are not many of these things remaining…items that are still in the exact spot that she placed…