Grieving? Throw the Clock Out.

I’m in pain! When will it stop? In one form or another, the question of “when” comes up. When will I feel better? When will this intense hurt go away? When will I feel normal again…? I started looking for published grief timelines almost right away. I knew I couldn’t live forever under the soul-crushing…

Praise for Life

Life is the feeling you get when your car begins to slide on ice and you lose control. There’s no stopping it, you have enough time to get a pit in your stomach, and anything can happen. Either I need to change my view of who’s in control or I need to get used to…

Anything Can Happen

“It could happen.” This was a thought that I held loosely, almost with the same grip that I held on to World War III. Yeah, anything can happen but, it won’t. Then, the whole concept was shattered when…it did. I guess I played the odds. Odds were, my wife and I would live happily for…

What Happened?

Time incessantly keeps marching. “Time heals all.” I am coming to believe that time, itself, doesn’t heal…it simply dulls. My memories of Jana are not exactly clear…and they feel more distant everyday. What happened to my wife? Tonight, I looked back at a series of selfies that Jana took while in the hospital and just…

First Thoughts – From 8/12/19

The following is journaling that I did 5 days after Jana died. I want to add these journal writings to my blog, they are hard for me to read…but, it’s good to revisit. I can see the despair in my thinking. Thanks be to God for bringing me along and not leaving me there. Reminders…

Walmart

You may or may not like Walmart, but Jana and I enjoyed it. There is a strange warmth and familiarity in going to Walmart, now. The familiarity was always there, but even in different cities and different stores, the memories come flooding back. I can remember so many occasions over the course of our time…

Poem “Comes the Dawn”

“And you learn to build all your roads On today because tomorrow’s ground Is too uncertain. And futures have A way of falling down in midflight. And you learn that you really can endure . . . That you really are strong And you really do have worth And you learn and learn . ….

The Path, Part 1

Along the path were walls and ceiling made of crushed glass, the floor a mix of thorns and jagged rocks. All sides were close to my body, sharp to the touch, and cutting me as I rubbed against them. The horrible way was well defined. I could not stray or escape to a different route….

A Shaky Thumbs Up

Hey, Chris, how are you doing…? Not a bad question. Stick around, if you’re willing, and I will tell you exactly how I’m doing! I was talking with a good friend on our walk around the 4 mile track in our local state park. I was trying to explain how I feel like I am…

I Just Gotta Be Me

God speaks to me through all manner of experiences, and in no way least of these is through my pastor on Sunday! He discussed identity… I have been wrestling with this term for weeks, now. Generally speaking, my identity has been “Chris and Jana.” And, I was quite satisfied with that. Now, to many, I…