Still Here

Jana, I meant what I said. I told you that I would love you, care for you, and be by your side through sickness and in health. I meant it… So many times, this last year, I have sat on this couch, with the tablet in my lap, crying as I typed. Today is no…

Last First

Today marks 11 months since Jana died. Her pain was short with a wonderful landing in the arms of Jesus. My road has been painful, troubled, and full of struggles. Although, the path has grown more manageable as the days and weeks have passed. It has been a course full of “firsts.” When I reflect…

Opposing Thoughts

The dating widower… Man, so many layers of various emotions to work through. But, let me say, it is a strengthening, encouraging, sorrowful, and beautiful process all at the same time! I have followed a clear process over the last 6 months. The first 5 months were all about me…working through the throws of intense…

Workings of Love

Where does the desire to be in relationship come from? What is it, within us, that drives us to connect deeply with another person? Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.” Genesis 2:18 God’s design speaks to our desires….

The Normal Sets In

We moved into the house we bought in 2009. Once everything was moved in and arranged, we began “settled” in to the new living situation. It didn’t take long, and soon it felt like we had “always” been there. A similar feeling is after children are born. In quick fashion, it feels as if they…

Memories of a Mother

It’s the opening chords of a song, the smell of her shampoo, or the glimpse of one of the kids in her favorite sweatshirt…these are the things that draw me close to her memory. In an instant I’m standing at that altar in Springfield, Illinois on a warm July day in 1998. I’m standing in…

Hope in the Desert

Dry, barren, unbearably hot, and there is nothing as far as the eye can see. Movement feels impossible…the weight is more than one can carry. Looking across the dusty horizon, it is apparent that there is no relief in any direction…no green grass, no bubbling fountain, nothing to quench or alleviate this miserable state. God,…

Standing in the Gate

Walls are something that people put up to keep others out. Emotionally speaking, these walls are placed for different reasons. Sometimes the walls are there because of past hurts and an individual defends themselves from what’s outside… Other people put up walls, too…but the barrier is there to prevent the person inside from getting out…

Emotional Couplets

Storm season is upon us in the Midwest. We’re familiar with watching the radar and listening for radio updates when it comes to severe weather. One way to determine a potential tornado configuration on the radar is to note the presence of a “couplet.” This feature on Doppler shows two completely different high velocity wind…

The Song is Beautiful.

When did the song begin? I don’t really know…until after it had been playing for awhile. Then, one day, I realized…this is my song. The music rose and fell, the tempo followed life… It was beautiful, mesmerizing, and the notes were put together in such a way that they touched my heart like nothing ever…