Warmth? Is That You?

A box of individual servings of almond butter. A blanket folded and placed on the chair. An adapter for the outlet used to charge a laptop. I know exactly what she left and how she left it. There are not many of these things remaining…items that are still in the exact spot that she placed…

Enough

Indifference and Anger. Lately, the emotions that stem from anger are more common in my life. Frustration, indifference, negativity, low self-regard, and a short-temper all originate from anger over my realized loss and potential loss. Naturally, the anger may be traced back to a fear, and then back even further to a lack of faith….

Getting Dizzy

Missing someone. I had a good friend ask me, yesterday, what I miss most about Jana. Man, what a hard question! Of course, there are so many attributes and characteristics that I miss. Everything that made up her…I guess that’s what I miss! I loved the question. It takes a long time to adjust from…

My Un-addressed Letters

“Jana, you would love this.” “Oh, Jana, let me tell you about that!” So many times, I have found myself wanting to share part of my life with her. I carefully write out my thoughts, fold the paper in thirds, place it in the envelope, put a stamp in the corner…but, it remains unsent. It…

Elusive Normal

Today marks five months since my beautiful wife went home to be with the Lord. Her memory draws me back in time. I often wish that I could live in the past somehow. Relive the days and years we spent together, I would start from the beginning and do it all over again… Living in…

Riding Upward Again

A little breakdown, a short time to vent…then back on the trail. The emotions rise and fall like a Ferris wheel, up – then down, up – then down. And, sometimes the wheel stops at a point, either high or low or somewhere more even…then, eventually, the carney with the hairy arms, bushy eyebrows, and…

Yeah, but…

What were our routines? What was the daily schedule… I suppose if I thought hard enough I could recall the day-to-day life that Jana and I held. It seems so far away now… I could sit and try to remember, but what will that do for me? Make me sad? Wish for the past? Get…

Quick Note About… Nothing

If I am not careful, I will waste my days away. My despondency will overtake my drive for accomplishment. It happens in the little decisions. Motivation dwindles…interest can fade… It is easy to fall into blah. Nothing really matters, not interested in getting done what needs to be done, and my prayer is that, hopefully,…

Balanced Thinking

There is a large scale in my mind that holds major concepts on each side. One side of the scale holds “grief.” The other side of the scale is a little more complicated. It holds “future”, “healing”, and “faith,” among other ideas in the same context. The scale started tipping toward grief on July 26th,…