Joy in the Mourning

I am emotionally skipping across the bottom… So, I found it fitting to write about joy! Why not? Count your many blessings, name them one by one… Even in the darkness of my grief and confusion with life, there are things to find joy in. Here are a few… Family and Friends. I constantly find…

“Why” is Too Complicated

One of the biggest moments of my hobby/interest life occurred this week. The Kansas City Chiefs won the Super Bowl. I have been watching, rooting, and hopeful for many years, and this week I was able to enjoy the pinnacle of the 2019 NFL season with my team. But…Jana is not here. This is my…

Good and Perfect Gifts

Let me be clear, I deserve nothing. There is nothing that I have done, or that is inherently special about me that God should be compelled to give me anything. There is nothing that I have gone through that would warrant God’s kindness to me. But, in His grace, He chooses to give good things…

The Tide has Shifted

What about the stuff that hurts? When I come up against a challenge, and I know it’s going to bring pain…what do I do? How shall I respond when I know my action will bring both pain and progress? This line of questioning has been the basis of much of my grief work. Every decision,…

Permission to be Happy

Several months ago, near to the time that Jana died, my pastor imparted a bit of wisdom. He told me to allow myself to feel happy. I could understand what he said, but, lately, I am wrestling with the concept. Early on, I had no desire or capacity for feeling happy. Nothing reached past my…

The “Up” Side to Grief

Moving on, getting over it, progressing, changing, getting better, feeling good, accepting, growth, new life… People package working through the grief process in a lot of different ways. Any way you slice it, it’s tough! I am not the same person that I was August 6th, the day before Jana died. And, I am not…

The Memory Room

A day off. A day to do some things that I want to do. The smoker is puffing away at 250 degrees with our dinner brisket, a friend is coming for lunch, and I have a deer stand to place in the afternoon. I am praying for a productive, enjoyable day! I haven’t taken too…

Look Out Bambi

I’m getting busy. My hobbies and interests are re-awakening in my mind. You know, there are things I like to do. I got my archery deer tags today. The season started Sept 15th, and I haven’t actually gone out, but I have my tags! I picked out a spot behind the house, in the woods….

Cup for Your Coffee?

In the mornings I would pick out one of Jana’s coffee cups to serve her coffee in. One time she let me know she wanted a different mug than I had picked out and I feigned offense. After that she let me pick ANY cup I wanted to give her to avoid “hurting my feelings!”…

Source of Joy

What is the true source of my joy? When the person who is most dear to me dies, the source of my joy may be revealed. Was my life and happiness bound in my relationship with my wife? Much of my happiness, in this world, certainly was. Our faithful relationship brought much joy, this is…