An Open Letter to Man

Man, love your wife. Ok, I can already hear your wheels turning… “I do!” “She knows that I love her.” “Why are you suggesting that I don’t?” Listen to me, you can love her more. Don’t be so arrogant as to believe that you love her as much as humanly possible. That thinking automatically says…

No More Sneezes

Laverne, one of our two new cats, was inching her way from my bed onto the nightstand where all of the stuff from Jana’s funeral sits. I have not gone through those cards, the sign-in book, or letters since the funeral. I am so appreciative of the things that people gave and did for us,…

Lovely Decisions

What prompts me to whisper, “Good night,” to her empty space in my bed each night? Why do I bury my face in one of her t-shirts and try to catch her scent one more time? What is it that makes me cry when somebody lets me know how much they miss her? Love. We’re…

Give Again

Serving. I have suggested that a sign of moving out of grief is when one begins to think more of others. Grief is consuming and very self-oriented. Grief gets us back to a place emotionally where we can interact with our world again. Now, my interest in serving others is taking up more of my…

My Un-addressed Letters

“Jana, you would love this.” “Oh, Jana, let me tell you about that!” So many times, I have found myself wanting to share part of my life with her. I carefully write out my thoughts, fold the paper in thirds, place it in the envelope, put a stamp in the corner…but, it remains unsent. It…

The Richness of Life

Another turn in life. Sarah is moving down to Republic to go to school. Can I handle all this? This was Sarah’s plan for many months. I was the one who tried to encourage Jana when thinking of losing her “baby” from the nest. Now, the time has come. One is perched on the edge,…

(Gray) Hair to Eternity

So surprising, so unthinkable… Now it’s the pictures that I have to remember. In the photos, right up until her last day, we never would have suspected the end of her life was imminent. Looking into our faces, considering the situations, remembering the conversations…pictures tell stories. They bring up the memories. Sometimes I can remember…

Whose Am I?

Belonging… Who do I belong to? Earthly speaking, I belonged to Jana for 22 years, and she belonged to me. We were not our own. We cherished and gave ourselves to one another, just as we would have cared for our own bodies. A wife does not have the right over her own body, but…

Being Social

Had a few friends over yesterday to watch the Kansas City Chiefs football game. This was a step, an experiment, and, as it turned out, a real joy. In many social situations I have often been anxious in the group setting. Sometimes I feel that way in church, too. I have tried not to avoid…

House to Home

Just before Jana went into the hospital, with a Leukemia diagnosis which we had no idea that she was already battling, we had sold our house and moved into a smaller home in the country that needed some work done. That work was just getting started when our nightmare began in July. After Jana died…