I’m Boring Again!

I am becoming wallpaper. Slowly blending back into the fabric of life. My life, my loss, my grief…all giving way to normal, everyday stuff. This “everyday Joe” is where I started, and where I will take my place once again. This is what we all wanted to begin with, isn’t it? Friends and family all…

A Photo

Each day is another step toward accepting the horror of my experience. How can one “accept” their worst nightmare? Not sure, but, I am slowly moving in that direction. At times, I get this weird feeling like I just realized that Jana died. Then, for an instant, I want to scream. I imagine that I…

Give Again

Serving. I have suggested that a sign of moving out of grief is when one begins to think more of others. Grief is consuming and very self-oriented. Grief gets us back to a place emotionally where we can interact with our world again. Now, my interest in serving others is taking up more of my…

The Night, Hour by Hour

Today marks seven weeks since Jana died. Somehow, I am making it through life. Often, I have the feeling, “who cares about any of this?” But, of course, it’s just a feeling and I move on. I have many feelings, and for those who have suffered intense grief, you can relate. They are surprising feelings…

Poem “Comes the Dawn”

“And you learn to build all your roads On today because tomorrow’s ground Is too uncertain. And futures have A way of falling down in midflight. And you learn that you really can endure . . . That you really are strong And you really do have worth And you learn and learn . ….

The Path, Part 1

Along the path were walls and ceiling made of crushed glass, the floor a mix of thorns and jagged rocks. All sides were close to my body, sharp to the touch, and cutting me as I rubbed against them. The horrible way was well defined. I could not stray or escape to a different route….

A Shaky Thumbs Up

Hey, Chris, how are you doing…? Not a bad question. Stick around, if you’re willing, and I will tell you exactly how I’m doing! I was talking with a good friend on our walk around the 4 mile track in our local state park. I was trying to explain how I feel like I am…

I Just Gotta Be Me

God speaks to me through all manner of experiences, and in no way least of these is through my pastor on Sunday! He discussed identity… I have been wrestling with this term for weeks, now. Generally speaking, my identity has been “Chris and Jana.” And, I was quite satisfied with that. Now, to many, I…

Life Sucks

Sometimes my own counter-productive thoughts get me down. This is one of those times. I am not in a good frame of mind. These times come and go, and I assume (at least I have read) that it comes with the territory, but I feel low. I was reading about situational problems and self-imposed problems….

Thoughts on Thanks

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his faithful love endures forever. 1 Chronicles 16:34 Thankfulness is tricky. Give thanks in all things. How do I apply this, and do it authentically? I think it is important to differentiate between being “thankful” for the results of a fallen world, i.e. death of Jana,…