Last First

Today marks 11 months since Jana died. Her pain was short with a wonderful landing in the arms of Jesus. My road has been painful, troubled, and full of struggles. Although, the path has grown more manageable as the days and weeks have passed. It has been a course full of “firsts.” When I reflect…

Importance of the Beginning

I have reflected often on our early days of dating and marriage. In a relationship, those memories and moments are almost sacred to the couple. It is the beginning of a lifelong commitment and love. My personal memories are no different…the structure we built, with Christ as our foundation, was constructed with these early, cherished…

Graduation.

We often just talked. Maybe just before dinner, after our day of work, or right after the family had sat down to eat together, we may have relaxed in the living room and visited on the couch. The rattle and clink of pans and silverware were heard from the kitchen as the kids performed their…

Joy in the Mourning

I am emotionally skipping across the bottom… So, I found it fitting to write about joy! Why not? Count your many blessings, name them one by one… Even in the darkness of my grief and confusion with life, there are things to find joy in. Here are a few… Family and Friends. I constantly find…

Finish the Race

Since Jana died, I have thought a lot about what happens after a person’s life is over on earth. I have thought about what she experienced, what it may have looked like, and how she made that transition directly into Jesus’ care. The fact that my best friend made this journey gives me encouragement for…

All Aboard!

My steam engine of grief, which always seems completely filled with fuel, continues to take me along the highs and lows of this journey. As I approach significant milestones, it seems the grief begins to “ramp up” prior to the date. The engine goes into overdrive and picks up speed. Six months without Jana was…

“Why” is Too Complicated

One of the biggest moments of my hobby/interest life occurred this week. The Kansas City Chiefs won the Super Bowl. I have been watching, rooting, and hopeful for many years, and this week I was able to enjoy the pinnacle of the 2019 NFL season with my team. But…Jana is not here. This is my…

Lovely Decisions

What prompts me to whisper, “Good night,” to her empty space in my bed each night? Why do I bury my face in one of her t-shirts and try to catch her scent one more time? What is it that makes me cry when somebody lets me know how much they miss her? Love. We’re…

Give Again

Serving. I have suggested that a sign of moving out of grief is when one begins to think more of others. Grief is consuming and very self-oriented. Grief gets us back to a place emotionally where we can interact with our world again. Now, my interest in serving others is taking up more of my…

An Actual Laugh?

Yesterday, I recalled a memory of Jana that made me…laugh. It was a humorous memory, so laughing was appropriate, but the fact that I laughed caught me by surprise. I liked that. When I set out to work hard on my grief, I knew I would see signposts of progress along the way. One of…